Yesterday they moved my father out of ICU and guess where they put him? Right back where he started from, before all this nonsense happened, on the 6th floor, in the same room, in the same bed. Perhaps this a good sign and a 2nd chance at things. Now his physical therapy can start and he can begin his long road to recovery. It will be nice to not have him behind locked doors and that means no more picking up the phone to get permission to come in.
As I mentioned in my last post, things are moving slowly. My Dad definitely has those moments when he is "there". In those moments it's so wonderful and heartbreaking to see him. I just sit there and think does he know what's going on? Is he afraid? Is he in pain? Does he know us? And then I think if he does know what's going on---that this is his worst nightmare come true (as I mentioned earlier, his grandfather had a stroke at 62 and was paralyzed), even if just temporarily. His lungs are so full of junk and it's so painful to sit there and watch him cough, or worse yet, be suctioned. I have been praying for clear lungs so they can take that trach out.
A great friend of mine said it best in a comment--that this is the kind of test that none of us ever want to face but eventually all of us will and that faith of all kinds is what will get us through these tough times. He is so right. I continue to ask God for strength for all of us. I know that NOW is when the really tough part starts and when Dad is going to need us the most. I intend to be right there by his side. Whatever he needs...........
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
July 17th
I may not post as frequently now as there is not much new to report. We are told progress will be slow and we really won't know the extent of damage until he fully wakes up. We are trying so hard not to lose faith and praying for strength. It's so hard for all of us to see him the way he is right now. He does some purposeful things but it's not consistent or constant. Time.......he needs lots of time. Continue to pray and I will continue to keep you updated when something new happens.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Never Alone
I heard this song on the way home from the hospital the other night. It made me smile, it made me cry. I thought of my mom, my dad, my sister, brother, my husband, my kids.........and the rest of my family. I just wanted to tell you guys that you're never alone. No matter what happens--I'm always here for you and I love you. Life can change in the blink of an eye.
Today is my sons 8th birthday! It's bittersweet. We are big on birthdays around here and always get together to celebrate each and every persons. My father will be missed today. He sings happy birthday really "silly" and makes Carter laugh. He would love the chocolate cake w/ chocolate frosting that I made.
Happy birthday to my big little man. He so reminds me of my dad in so many ways. I've always said that (my mother in-law has always said so too)! From the way he bites his lip w/ his upper teeth to his engineer wired brain!
Today is my sons 8th birthday! It's bittersweet. We are big on birthdays around here and always get together to celebrate each and every persons. My father will be missed today. He sings happy birthday really "silly" and makes Carter laugh. He would love the chocolate cake w/ chocolate frosting that I made.
Happy birthday to my big little man. He so reminds me of my dad in so many ways. I've always said that (my mother in-law has always said so too)! From the way he bites his lip w/ his upper teeth to his engineer wired brain!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
July 15th
Today I woke up to the sun shining and a smile on my face. I thought, once again, of my Dad saying "look at this beautiful day that God has given us". My mom came over and we went up to the hospital together.
We arrived to find my Dad sleeping but he soon woke up and opened those beautiful blue eyes for us. When I say opened his eyes--think newborn baby. They are only 1/2 open and not for long periods of time. You can tell the light bothers him and he is not moving his eyeballs around. Just opening them and blinking. I do believe he sees us and recognizes us though (probably through a vaseline induced haze)---we'll say, for example, "dad you know mom is here right? blink your eyes if you do...." and he does and he'll hold his hand out for her. Today he kept bringing his hand to his head and using his fingers to "trace" the staples. It's a big cut and he knows it's there. I can only imagine what it feels like to him. He seemed confused and definitely afraid. so I spent a lot of time giving him an abbreviated version of what happened and reassuring him that he was okay and that there were things he couldn't do right now that were to be expected for where he is in his recovery. We talked to him, I read to him and eventually he dozed off. It's so hard to leave him when he keeps holding his hand out to you.
This morning they clamped the drain in his brain........he did great all day w/ it clamped. In the past when they did this his blood pressure would go really high but today it remained low. Tonight they completely removed the drain! The more things they get out of him the better, they said.
He's moving his right side so well. You can see him testing things out. My Dad is an engineer and you can just see his mind at work. Move the foot at the ankle, wiggle the toes, spread the toes, bend the knee, lift the leg......move on to the arm....so far the only thing he hasn't moved is his left arm (although I've seen his left shoulder move and he is trying to move that arm---I say he does it eventually). YES--- he moved his left leg today all on his own.
Another day of progress. We'll take it. I'll say it again, God is good and he hears every single one of your prayers!! My entire family thanks you for all your love, prayers, thoughts and comments.
We arrived to find my Dad sleeping but he soon woke up and opened those beautiful blue eyes for us. When I say opened his eyes--think newborn baby. They are only 1/2 open and not for long periods of time. You can tell the light bothers him and he is not moving his eyeballs around. Just opening them and blinking. I do believe he sees us and recognizes us though (probably through a vaseline induced haze)---we'll say, for example, "dad you know mom is here right? blink your eyes if you do...." and he does and he'll hold his hand out for her. Today he kept bringing his hand to his head and using his fingers to "trace" the staples. It's a big cut and he knows it's there. I can only imagine what it feels like to him. He seemed confused and definitely afraid. so I spent a lot of time giving him an abbreviated version of what happened and reassuring him that he was okay and that there were things he couldn't do right now that were to be expected for where he is in his recovery. We talked to him, I read to him and eventually he dozed off. It's so hard to leave him when he keeps holding his hand out to you.
This morning they clamped the drain in his brain........he did great all day w/ it clamped. In the past when they did this his blood pressure would go really high but today it remained low. Tonight they completely removed the drain! The more things they get out of him the better, they said.
He's moving his right side so well. You can see him testing things out. My Dad is an engineer and you can just see his mind at work. Move the foot at the ankle, wiggle the toes, spread the toes, bend the knee, lift the leg......move on to the arm....so far the only thing he hasn't moved is his left arm (although I've seen his left shoulder move and he is trying to move that arm---I say he does it eventually). YES--- he moved his left leg today all on his own.
Another day of progress. We'll take it. I'll say it again, God is good and he hears every single one of your prayers!! My entire family thanks you for all your love, prayers, thoughts and comments.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
July 14th
Today started out as a bad day for all us. Just feeling lost and sad. Trying to hang on to that last bit of hope. My mom was with my dad all day today and he was pretty mellow, no movement or anything, just deep sleep. Deep sleep and a fever. They drew blood, did a chest x ray and an urinalysis. Pneumonia? Kidney infection? Staff infection? Nothing? Only time will tell.
I didn't get to go to the hospital earlier today b/c I didn't have anyone to stay w/ the kids. So I went up later in the evening. I got there around 6:15 and was discouraged. I sat and cried. Pulled it together and read to him from his bible. Closed the bible and started talking to him---about everything, the kids, the weather, his brother who is coming to see him Friday from Texas and all of a sudden up goes his right arm and it's heading right towards his staples on his head. So I grab his hand and hold it. Then I look at his face and I can see blue from his left eye (he has the prettiest blue eyes). "Dad are you trying to open your eyes?" my heart was pounding. And sure enough, little by little he opened that eye about 1/2 way and his right eye a bit too. This went on for 20 minutes. He was trying to talk too but I told him "you can't talk right now so don't try". He was moving that right side all around. When I asked him to move his toes he would. I told him that he had vaseline on his eyes so if things were blurry that was why. He kept bringing that hand up to his head and it never dawned on me that he might be in pain. The nurse said "Kraig, blink your eyes if you are in pain" and blink he did. So she gave him something and out he went. God love him.
My mother and sister went up later and rounded the corner to see him lying there scratching his head w/ his eyes 1/2 open again. He appeared to know who they were and did much of the same things w/ them as he had w/ me earlier. When the nurse asked him if they were being loud he shook his head no. He keeps touching his head, he seems confused so my mom and the nurse were trying to give him an abbreviated version of what happened. Obviously he's still very out of it and still coming around.
There really are no words to express our happiness right now. We're taking it day by day and today, was a good day. Today, God sent us a reminder to not lose faith.
Praise God and you all you wonderful people who are praying for my Dad!
I didn't get to go to the hospital earlier today b/c I didn't have anyone to stay w/ the kids. So I went up later in the evening. I got there around 6:15 and was discouraged. I sat and cried. Pulled it together and read to him from his bible. Closed the bible and started talking to him---about everything, the kids, the weather, his brother who is coming to see him Friday from Texas and all of a sudden up goes his right arm and it's heading right towards his staples on his head. So I grab his hand and hold it. Then I look at his face and I can see blue from his left eye (he has the prettiest blue eyes). "Dad are you trying to open your eyes?" my heart was pounding. And sure enough, little by little he opened that eye about 1/2 way and his right eye a bit too. This went on for 20 minutes. He was trying to talk too but I told him "you can't talk right now so don't try". He was moving that right side all around. When I asked him to move his toes he would. I told him that he had vaseline on his eyes so if things were blurry that was why. He kept bringing that hand up to his head and it never dawned on me that he might be in pain. The nurse said "Kraig, blink your eyes if you are in pain" and blink he did. So she gave him something and out he went. God love him.
My mother and sister went up later and rounded the corner to see him lying there scratching his head w/ his eyes 1/2 open again. He appeared to know who they were and did much of the same things w/ them as he had w/ me earlier. When the nurse asked him if they were being loud he shook his head no. He keeps touching his head, he seems confused so my mom and the nurse were trying to give him an abbreviated version of what happened. Obviously he's still very out of it and still coming around.
There really are no words to express our happiness right now. We're taking it day by day and today, was a good day. Today, God sent us a reminder to not lose faith.
Praise God and you all you wonderful people who are praying for my Dad!
Monday, July 13, 2009
My Dad the Entertainer
Just felt like sharing this! when I think of my childhood---I always think of this.
my Dad played the guitar for us.
we would all pile onto my parents bed.
and jump around and be crazy.
he never told us to sit still.
he was good at it.
he enjoyed it.
we loved it.
he could sing too.
grandma's feather bed by john denver was one of our favorites.
anything by John Denver really.
bad bad leroy brown by jim croche was one of his.
when we "outgrew" his music choices
he tried to learn songs from "Grease" until his fingers were raw.
if that's not love---I don't know what is.
P.S.
there was also a song about chasing women.
we loved it.
we still know it by heart <3
i've never heard anyone but my dad sing it.
hearing the song now i realize
he sang it just perfectly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6Uq5VHGuPA
my Dad played the guitar for us.
we would all pile onto my parents bed.
and jump around and be crazy.
he never told us to sit still.
he was good at it.
he enjoyed it.
we loved it.
he could sing too.
grandma's feather bed by john denver was one of our favorites.
anything by John Denver really.
bad bad leroy brown by jim croche was one of his.
when we "outgrew" his music choices
he tried to learn songs from "Grease" until his fingers were raw.
if that's not love---I don't know what is.
P.S.
there was also a song about chasing women.
we loved it.
we still know it by heart <3
i've never heard anyone but my dad sing it.
hearing the song now i realize
he sang it just perfectly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6Uq5VHGuPA
July 13th
I made it to the hospital at 8:30 a.m. only to find out that the nuero team had been in at 6 a.m. Sigh. So I sat w/ my Dad for awhile, read to him and told him about the Red Sox Game last night and how the tooth fairy ALMOST forgot to leave money for my son (I saw his tooth "box" sitting on the counter as I walked out the door and ran upstairs to put the money under his pillow---if any of you still believe in the tooth fairy and I ruined it for you---I'm sorry) and other small talk. He was moving his right side quite a bit while I talked w/ him.
The Nuerosurgeon did make his way to the waiting room where he spoke w/ us (my mom, my sister and I). The results from the EEG and the other neurological tests done last Friday looked good. The side of the brain w/out the bleed responds as it should while, obviously, the side w/ the bleed is weaker. That could be due to the swelling. Only time will tell. The ICP variance is due to the drain. When they clamp it off his pressure goes up--so he is not ready for that to come out yet. He said he is still critical as long as he has that swelling and the drain. It could still go either way. He said his movements are spontaneous and he doesn't follow commands. However, he did follow commands later in the day. The nurse would say "Kraig, move your toes" and he would. He's been very active today. Still not awake........but I'd say this is more progress and another step forward.
God is good!
Today marks 2 weeks that my father has been away from us. To say we miss him is an understatement.
The Nuerosurgeon did make his way to the waiting room where he spoke w/ us (my mom, my sister and I). The results from the EEG and the other neurological tests done last Friday looked good. The side of the brain w/out the bleed responds as it should while, obviously, the side w/ the bleed is weaker. That could be due to the swelling. Only time will tell. The ICP variance is due to the drain. When they clamp it off his pressure goes up--so he is not ready for that to come out yet. He said he is still critical as long as he has that swelling and the drain. It could still go either way. He said his movements are spontaneous and he doesn't follow commands. However, he did follow commands later in the day. The nurse would say "Kraig, move your toes" and he would. He's been very active today. Still not awake........but I'd say this is more progress and another step forward.
God is good!
Today marks 2 weeks that my father has been away from us. To say we miss him is an understatement.
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