Christmas

I don't need to tell you how hard it was for all of us. We went to the cemetery as a family. After I announced we'd be going, Delaney got out her crayons and paper. I asked her what she was doing and she said "making a Christmas card for Poppy!". A blue eyed, brown haired angel flying in the sky.........

We attended Christmas Eve mass and Delaney was in the pageant as well. As I looked down the pew, at all of my family who was there, that normally wasn't, I cried. I cried b/c we were there. I cried for the man who wasn't, yet, was responsible for us all being there. Then I saw my angel come down the aisle and cried some more hoping and praying that her Poppy could see her.

Save a Place for Me

First Reconciliation

Carter made his first reconciliation (confession) Saturday. We were so proud of him. He even confessed to Father a few things we hadn't talked about. He accepted his certificate and offered Father his hand for a hand shake. Father seemed pretty tickled by that as none of the other kids were doing that. Each child lit a candle, had holy water put on them (in remembrance of their baptism) and finished w/ a blessing from the Deacon. At each station we read a small prayer to Carter. I was surprised to find myself moved to tears more than once. I know partly b/c I was proud of Carter and partly b/c someone was missing---someone who would have been standing right there w/ us and someone who might have been even prouder than I was of Carter. I know he was w/ us---- I know this b/c after everyone had lit their candle, and we all sat down, Carter said "mom, look, one candle is burning brighter than the rest, it's the only one I can see, I think it's mine......." and as we walked up to the alter to check it out........it was, indeed, Carter's candle. He lit the one smack.dab.in.the.middle! He'll make his first communion in May. I can't tell you the positive effect religion has had in Carter's life. The changes are amazing. I can't forget my fathers words to Carter in the Children's Bible he gave him on Easter of last year.......

"May God's words guide you to manhood and help you grow up to be a good man."

Carter and Father

Merry Christmas from Heaven

Today, at Church, a special lady gave an ornament to my mom, for our family. The ornament is pewter and says "I love you all dearly, Now don't shed a tear, I'm spending my Christmas With Jesus this year." and is accompanied by this poem:


**click on it to make it larger!

How beautiful is that? Thanksgiving was so hard and when my husband stood up before we ate and said "I'd like to propose a toast to Kraig......" we all cried. The Christmas season has been even tougher but we continue to go on. As he would want us too. We continue to find strength and love and hope in Jesus as well.

Wishing you and yours a very blessed holiday season.

xxoo

Tough Day

10 weeks
70 days
1680 hours

since my dad left this earth. two things i've come to know since his passing 1) i'm no longer afraid to die and 2) life does go on. we all miss him so much and some days are harder than others but i hold onto the belief that we will be united with him one day.

my sister and i continue our journey w/ RCIA. i am finding much comfort and peace in Jesus. it's been so good for my family and especially for my children. funny how i never understood my fathers time and devotion to his religion when he was here on this earth.

what's a post w/out a photo? this was last summer. a glass of wine, a sunset and a view of the lake. i think you can see how much he loved those things.

and a song......

.Thank You.

I don't know if anyone comes here anymore but as I lay in bed last night I was thinking of this blog and of all of you who visited, cared, prayed, gave us strength, shared your own tragedies and triumphs and left beautiful heartfelt comments. I miss you all and I wanted to say THANK YOU, for everything. You've no idea how much it's all meant to my family and I through this difficult time.

I will start the RCIA program Monday night, w/ my husband as my sponsor. My sister will be attending as well, w/ my mom as hers. The kids will be taking religion classes at the same time. They started last week. I find it ironic that my father found his faith, after he lost his father and the same thing is happening to me. I feel my father's presence when I'm at the Church. I feel close to him and connected. He would be so proud that we're doing this. I wish I could walk the walk w/ him but I KNOW he knows---I know this b/c before school the other morning, my son asked me if I had a picture of Noah's Ark and I went upstairs and got his Boy's Childhood Bible that my dad gave him on Easter last year---and as I opened it---there was this hand written note, to Carter, from my father, but I couldn't help but think, it was his message, that morning, to me, that he was so thrilled that "those babies were getting religion" (he always would say that to my mom "those babies need religion" but not to me---he didn't preach).




Then out of it, fell this picture---it's my dad holding Carter when he was just days old.





Of course I cried but what a treasure for me to find. I will cherish it always as I have nothing in my father's handwriting.

If you are reading this, it means you're still stopping by, still thinking of us and for that I thank you.

xxoo

Service in My Dad's Hometown

Yesterday we went to my dad's hometown for a memorial service that his mother and sister planned. It was BEAUTIFUL. There was a gathering in the Church Hall afterwards (thank you Kim for all your hard work w/ the food and set-up and clean-up and to everyone else who contributed as well). The Reverend spoke of my Dad as if he'd known him his whole life. We sang "How Great Thou Art" and "On Eagle's Wings" (my Dad loved both of those songs). My Dad's twin sister read a poem, from a book that belonged to her Uncle, that he had left for her.

God's Will for you and Me!

Just to be tender, just to be true,
Just to be glad the whole day through,
Just to be merciful, just to be mild,
Just to be trustful as a child,
Just to be gentle and kind and sweet,
Just to be helpful with willing feet
Just to be cheery when things go wrong,
Just to drive sadness away with song,
Whether the hour is dark or bright,
Just to be loyal to God and right,
Just to believe that God knows best,
Just in his promises ever to rest--
Just to let love be our daily key,
That is God's will for you and me.

~Anonymous

My sister got up and spoke and she did a beautiful job. I wish I had a copy of her words to post here. Perhaps I can get a copy next time I see her. I got up and read "I Wish you Enough"......you might remember it from an earlier post.........it was an e mail I found, that my Dad had sent me a few days before the stroke, that I hadn't read. In lieu of flowers, we asked for donations to go to the youth center, b/c it was so important to my Dad. That said, I wanted to share with you some words from the Deacon at the Church:

Kraig knew all of this. He knew how important scripture was and he read and lived it every day. he reached out to many people of our community of Holy Cross Church. He taught scripture to our children. The parents of an 8th grader told me that when their daughter was in Kraig's group in the 6th grade, his teaching of scripture changed her life. She is only one story of many. Kraig single-handedly ran a middle school youth group in our old youth center. He has laid the foundation for our new youth center, The Underground, that is almost completed. Kraig's legacy will always be there in the Center. (A NOTE: One of the entrance walls to The Underground will be a white wall, like a white board where the kids can write stuff to each other, and erase it later. We will name the wall The White Wall! The wall will include a dragonfly in honor of Kraig!).

If you don't know........my Dad's last name is White. Thus the "White Wall". How cool is that? It makes me so happy to see things happening in his honor and to see that this is part of his legacy! Also, my sister and I will be going through the RCIA program at the Church starting next week. I wish I had walked this walk w/ my father while he was here on Earth but I didn't. I know he will be proud. I intend to stay connected to the the Church, his home away from home, and in doing so......to stay close to him. I hope I can make a difference there someday, the way he did.