Just Smiling...........

The last few days have been so good for my Dad, and in turn, for all of us as well. He has really found his voice and has been talking a lot and making perfect sense. He even told my mom "yes go away" when she asked him if he wanted privacy. She didn't take offense and we were both so glad to hear him express his wishes. He told the PT that what she was doing hurt his back (he has a terrible back and we just knew it was bothering him) and when one of them spoke very loudly to him and repeated herself twice he said "I heard you" (lol). My mom told him this morning "Lisa doesn't think you remember her" and when I came in later that afternoon he looked right at me and said "I know who you are, I remember you!". It had obviously been on his mind all day. I cannot tell you what those words meant to me. He's really become aware of himself and his surroundings and is very concerned w/ who is doing what to him. It's truly amazing the changes taking place every day.

Keep those prayers coming---they are being answered. As always, THANK YOU!

P.S. I asked him "Dad, how old are you in this picture?" (the picture on the header of this blog) and he answered right away "8" and my heart kind of sank. I said "Dad, you are 62 here......" and he said "6 and 2 are 8". I just now remembered that the night of his birthday he looked at his cake and said---"I'm 8?" and I said "sorry Dad, I didn't have a 2."

Sorry I haven't updated!

Gearing up for back.to.school (1st and 3rd grade this year) and trying to enjoy these last few days with the kids, although I have to be honest, I'm looking forward to the break and getting back to my Photography business.

Physically my dad's getting stronger daily. He's been outside a few times and my mom said he really enjoyed that. He's been spending time in a chair, sitting on the edge of his bed and holding his torso up unassisted for a bit. I haven't been to any of his sessions yet but my mom says he has improved so much from when I last saw him try to do this in the hospital. He really seems to like the girls who are doing OT and PT with him and even gave one of them a smile when she asked for one.

Mentally he has his moments of clarity and then other moments not.so.much. For instance, yesterday, after a day of not speaking much and mostly ignoring everyone, he said to my mom "I'd like to get back in bed please" and at that time his mom and sister came in and my mom asked him if he knew who they were and he said "Geri" (his mom) and "Kathy" (his twin sister) and then he looked at my mom and said "Sherry". Then his mom said "you have a brother in Texas" and he said "Kevin". Then he looked right at his mom and asked "what happened?". He seemed to remember up to the point of going down for his stent surgery but nothing after that. They assure us this is pretty normal for what he's been through and it's going to take some time. That said, I wish his mom and sister lived closer b/c he really does seem to have great moments of clarity when they are present. It makes you wonder where his memory is, at this point in time.

I won't pretend that it's easy when your father doesn't seem to know who the heck you are---but you quickly remind yourself that it's not important right now, it's not about you and you imagine what he's feeling---but how can it not break your heart? It's all heartbreaking. I'm having moments of clarity myself these last few days and I'm realizing that NOW comes the hard part---for all of us---especially my dad. I'm willing to bet that what he's been through, can't compare, to what lies ahead. We need to stay strong, keep the faith, be supportive, PUSH and never quit.

I hope to make it in tomorrow or Wednesday morning to meet the girls from OT and PT and see how my dad's progress is going. More then.

As always, thanks for your thoughts and prayers!!

xo

My dad loves this song-- he sang it to his granddaughter Jillian when she born and through the years while he rocked her. Once he sang it to her new baby brother and she got so jealous. That didn't happen again.

All settled in!

When Rick and I walked into my Dad's new residence for the upcoming months, he looked right at us and said "hi". There were many things my Dad did today that tells me, w/out a doubt, that he is the same old Kraig and that he understands everything. I think he finds it comfortable there. He's got a nice sunny room all to himself, a fan and NESN comes in on the t.v. -- what more can a guy ask for?

In all seriousness though--we think it seems like a fabulous place. His nurse had a talk w/ all of us, my Dad included, and said his nurses will wear regular clothes b/c it is important for him to see that he is not sick anymore, this is not a hospital. She said therapy is going to be long and grueling---it goes 8-4 Monday thru Friday (obviously there are rest periods in there) with weekends off. They encourage family members to be present during therapy. At the end of her speech she said to my Dad "are you ready to get busy?" he answered her by smacking his hand on his pillow as if to say "damn right I'm ready". Tomorrow a.m. bright and early he will put on his t shirt, shorts and sneakers (w/ help, of course, for now) and get busy getting busy!

REHAB!!!

So last night I was visiting my Dad. He was out of it still and had a rough day. Around 9:00 p.m. he seemed to be sleeping comfortably, finally. The nurse came in and said they would be moving him to rehab tomorrow (today) so I looked around his room and began to gather some things that I needed to take home, such as the Hello Kitty CD player Delaney so graciously lent him ("Mommy, you don't need to buy a CD player for Poppy---I'm not using my Hello Kitty one--- he can borrow it" God love her) and as I looked around and said goodbye to one of my favorite nurses I was hit with this wave of emotion. I can't really put my finger on what it was. A mixture of things, I suppose.

Relief, that he was finally well enough to move on?

Fear, that he'd be leaving the safety of the hospital?

Sadness, that I wouldn't see those few nurses who were "angels" on the inside anymore?

Empathy, for my dad, for all he'd endured and all the hard work that lay ahead of him?

Thankful, to God and all of YOU who have been praying for him and supporting us.

7 weeks
53 days
1272 hours
No matter how you count it
It's time that none of us can ever get back.

BUT, he is finally going to get busy living again. I have tears flowing as I type this.....I have always been so proud of my Dad but I can't even begin to tell you the new found respect, love and pride that I have inside my heart and head for this man. He is truly a gem. His faith, his will, his prayers (& ours) and skilled Doctors and nurses have gotten him this far and his faith, strength, determination, fabulous therapists and his family will help bring him the rest of the way.

So happy to finally turn the page and start a new Chapter. This chapter I like and can't wait to see the wonderful things to come! As I type this, Dad is probably getting ready to be transferred into that ambulance that will take him to a place that will slowly bring him back to his life and all of us.

xo

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

Seizure!

I just happened to be across the street from the hospital this morning at the Dentist office for a cleaning--when the hospital called my cell to tell me that my Dad had had a seizure. They put the metal trach in this a.m. as he was on his way to rehab this afternoon and that was necessary. Obviously this is a set back and rehab has been delayed. He is on an anti seizure medication (Delantin) and sedated (w/ adavan). Preliminary EEG results look okay--we are waiting for someone to read the results. They did a chest x ray and will do a CT in a bit. They say it is not uncommon for stroke patients to have seizures. He was on Delantin before but they took him off of it. Praying this is just a small set back!

**UPDATE--as of 5:00 things look good. The EEG showed no further seizure activity, the CT showed no changes and the chest x ray was good as well. He's out of it still but very active.

***8/19/09 Update- I just called up the hospital (w/ a pit in my stomach, I haven't done that since his ICU days and it all comes flooding back to you) and he had a good, restful night. No more seizures and he's a little more awake this morning. I won't get a chance to see him until tonight so I will update then.

More good news!

Today my Dad was accepted for rehab at Fanny Allen! We couldn't be more thrilled. This is the place that is 5 minutes from my house and about 20 minutes from my Mom and sister. They hope to have him there by weeks end. Things went so wrong for so long that this string of "good" feels extra wonderful!!!

I asked my Dad if he still believes God is good. He said "YES!".

I just know bigger and better things are to come from him.......stay tuned.

Time to get ANGRY!

I spent some time w/ Dad yesterday. Whenever I put a magazine or anything else w/ text in front of his face it seems as though he's reading it. I know he needs reading glasses normally and who knows how his vision is now. So I wrote his name, large, on a piece of paper and held it up to him and asked him what it said. He said "Kraig". Then I made a happy face and a sad face and asked him to point to how he was feeling. He pointed to the sad face, of course. Then I gave him the pen, which he held as he should, and he put a circle w/ a line through it on the happy face. While that broke my heart, I was elated to know that he's reading and comprehending, which is amazing!!!! Father, from my Dad's Church visited and when we all said the "Our Father" he joined in with us and blessed himself at the end of it. I can't tell you how happy I was to see that his faith is STILL strong and that he's still praying. That said, he's so ANGRY now. Which we've expected and been waiting for and quite honestly, I am relieved to see some anger from him. I keep reassuring him that it's okay, it's part of the process, that we understand, that we aren't taking it personally and that we won't go away, no.matter.what! I can't pretend, for one second, that I know what it feels like to be him right now. I imagine he's thinking, at this point, that the alternative may have been better. I know in time he'll feel differently. I can't wait for him to get to rehab and to be able to get outside and feel the sunshine on his face, smell the fresh air, see the blue sky, the trees, hear the birds.......something other than those hospital walls and ceiling. This will give him more reason to fight and work hard.

Continue to pray for his respiratory health and that they get him over to rehab this week. He needs that so badly right now. Please pray that he will be strengthened to endure and not give up.

In reading to my Dad I came across the following---which I found meaningful.

Psalm 116:8-9

"For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living."

Psalm 118:17

"He will not die, but live and declare the works of the Lord."