Yesterday the plan was to give Dad a spinal tap and take about 10% of his spinal fluid in hopes of temporarily reducing the size of the fluid filled ventricles in his brain in hopes of seeing him come around a bit more and also to look for infection. The first attempt at the spinal tap was done in his room. They tried 3 times w/out success. He has had back problems most of his adult life and apparently has some arthritis there as well as a degenerative disc problem. SO they ended up having radiology do the spinal tap w/ guidance. They were successful. We don't know if there is any infection yet and, unfortunately, we did not see any change in his neurological status either. They say he does not do any "purposeful" things or follow commands. I have some him do some of each but not consistently. I do feel like he has his moments when he is "there" and in those moments all I see on his face are sadness and fear.
This morning they decided to start him on a heparin drip. They feel the risk of the clots are greater at this point than the risk of a bleed (which they don't anticipate happening). They are checking his blood every few hours to make sure things are okay. I believe they will do another CT tomorrow to check for any changes in his brain and lungs.
They are really stumped as to why he is not neurologically doing more and why he's not following commands. According to his CT he should be showing improvement. At the very least they feel like he should be talking a bit, following commands consistently and moving that right side a lot more. A secondary infection or something would cause delay but so far they have not found one. Perhaps he just needs more time? I don't know. Only time will tell. I hate to feel the way I do, frustrated, hopeless, angry.......but I'm only human. I think we all are starting to feel this way. It is so hard, day after day after day, to see him lying there, terrified and trapped in his body.
My faith is being tested for sure........I'm digging deep!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
The Dash
A dear friend of mine sent this link to me a few weeks back. I'm sure she wouldn't mind me sharing her words w/ you---
There is a poem/movie on-line called "The Dash" (click for link). It was sent to me when my brother passed and helped to remind me how life should be lived. From all that I read in this blog and from talking to you, it sounds like your dad already lives life to the fullest, as this poem reminds us to do. For all of you who haven't read/seen The Dash, I'd take the time to do so. Turn up the volume...beautiful music accompanies each verse as well as gorgeous photos of nature. Your dad is going to pull through this, Lisa, and continue to live life as this poem intends.
I watched this and was moved by it. It really does remind us what is important in life and how you just never know what's going to happen in life. I have gone back to it a few times to watch it again. My friend was right about my Dad already living life to the fullest and I know he is proud of his dash thus far. I know every daughter will say their father is a good man but I really truly mean it when I say my father is a good man. Anybody who knows my father will tell you that. He doesn't care about the materialistic things in life. He never asks for anything from anyone. He has done so many GOOD KIND UNSELFISH things in his life. He doesn't deserve this. I hope he's not suffering.
There is a poem/movie on-line called "The Dash" (click for link). It was sent to me when my brother passed and helped to remind me how life should be lived. From all that I read in this blog and from talking to you, it sounds like your dad already lives life to the fullest, as this poem reminds us to do. For all of you who haven't read/seen The Dash, I'd take the time to do so. Turn up the volume...beautiful music accompanies each verse as well as gorgeous photos of nature. Your dad is going to pull through this, Lisa, and continue to live life as this poem intends.
I watched this and was moved by it. It really does remind us what is important in life and how you just never know what's going to happen in life. I have gone back to it a few times to watch it again. My friend was right about my Dad already living life to the fullest and I know he is proud of his dash thus far. I know every daughter will say their father is a good man but I really truly mean it when I say my father is a good man. Anybody who knows my father will tell you that. He doesn't care about the materialistic things in life. He never asks for anything from anyone. He has done so many GOOD KIND UNSELFISH things in his life. He doesn't deserve this. I hope he's not suffering.
My Dad and Carter
On Thanksgiving.........
Carter really can play Chess. He's pretty good at it! He had to remind Poppy of some of the "rules", lol.
click on photo to view larger!
July 20th
I was too tired to update last night.......12 hours at the hospital takes everything out of you.
My dad had a major set back yesterday. I had told my mom to take the morning off so I arrived to find him having trouble breathing. The respiratory therapists were w/ him. His heart rate was 92 and his respiration, which had been 30, was at 45. I held his hand for 40 minutes while they worked on him. I have never, in my whole life, been so afraid.
When they stabilized him they took him down for a CT of his head and lungs. The Neurosurgeon resident that we've been dealing with, who I don't care for at all, said he'd be come back w/ the results right away. After an hour and 1/2 a medical student, who's been wonderful to us through all of this, said he'd go find him. So, said Neurosurgeon comes back w/ a mouth full of food apologizing for the delay and saying that his blood sugar was low and he had to eat something (OMG) and then w/ a mouth full of food says "anyway, Kraig has had a pulmonary embolism!". Turns out he had a blood clot in each lung and the ultrasound showed a DVT (deep vein thrombosis--blood clot) in his left leg that was on the move. They made the decision to put a filter in his Vena Cava to stop the other clot from moving. Normally they would give heprin in this situation but b/c of the brain bleed, they can't. The Dr. yesterday said this could cause his death (the PE). It's serious but we're praying!!!!!!!
On a positive note---the CT we saw yesterday showed that the bleed is considerably smaller and that the left side of the brain looks unaffected. The neurosurgeon felt hopeful b/c he said this is the side of the brain that does all the cognitive thinking, speech, etc. BUT his ventricles are swollen and he has a little hydrocephalus. If he requires more drainage they will need to drain from his spine as they took the drain out of his head a few days ago (too prematurely if you ask me and I questioned it when they did it). He feels like his progess has been slow b/c of all these secondary infections/problems. If my dad can get over this latest hurdle.......I think he'll start to see progess.
I just checked in w/ the hospital to see how his night was. She said it was good. There is no evidence of the clots moving. We just need to wait and pray and hope the clots are absorbed.
PRAY!
My dad had a major set back yesterday. I had told my mom to take the morning off so I arrived to find him having trouble breathing. The respiratory therapists were w/ him. His heart rate was 92 and his respiration, which had been 30, was at 45. I held his hand for 40 minutes while they worked on him. I have never, in my whole life, been so afraid.
When they stabilized him they took him down for a CT of his head and lungs. The Neurosurgeon resident that we've been dealing with, who I don't care for at all, said he'd be come back w/ the results right away. After an hour and 1/2 a medical student, who's been wonderful to us through all of this, said he'd go find him. So, said Neurosurgeon comes back w/ a mouth full of food apologizing for the delay and saying that his blood sugar was low and he had to eat something (OMG) and then w/ a mouth full of food says "anyway, Kraig has had a pulmonary embolism!". Turns out he had a blood clot in each lung and the ultrasound showed a DVT (deep vein thrombosis--blood clot) in his left leg that was on the move. They made the decision to put a filter in his Vena Cava to stop the other clot from moving. Normally they would give heprin in this situation but b/c of the brain bleed, they can't. The Dr. yesterday said this could cause his death (the PE). It's serious but we're praying!!!!!!!
On a positive note---the CT we saw yesterday showed that the bleed is considerably smaller and that the left side of the brain looks unaffected. The neurosurgeon felt hopeful b/c he said this is the side of the brain that does all the cognitive thinking, speech, etc. BUT his ventricles are swollen and he has a little hydrocephalus. If he requires more drainage they will need to drain from his spine as they took the drain out of his head a few days ago (too prematurely if you ask me and I questioned it when they did it). He feels like his progess has been slow b/c of all these secondary infections/problems. If my dad can get over this latest hurdle.......I think he'll start to see progess.
I just checked in w/ the hospital to see how his night was. She said it was good. There is no evidence of the clots moving. We just need to wait and pray and hope the clots are absorbed.
PRAY!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
My Dad the chef.........
Ask anybody who's tried it,
my Dad makes,
hands down,
the BEST pizza EVER!
It's been a while since I've had it.
We used to tell him that he needed to open a pizza joint and name it "Poppy's Pizza".
Apparently he made it like a week before his stroke.
I didn't get to have any.
I hope I get to have some again.
And cinnamon rolls.........
oooey, gooey perfection.
I used to love to watch him make them.
He'd flour up the counter and spread the dough,
butter it up, roll it, stretch it, sprinkle it.......
I can smell them now.
Brings me back to a late Sunday afternoon winter as a kid.
He used to make us breakfast for dinner.
We always loved that.
He'd make fried dough sometimes.
Other times he would wrap those little smokies in dough......
we'd have them w/ maple syrup.
And spaghetti w/ pepperoni in the sauce.......
and eggs benedict........
homemade french fries
and homemade fudge on Christmas Eve..........
slightly burnt toll house cookies (every time)
and there was lots and lots of Jiffy Pop on the stove top too.
My sister sent this to me today......her and Dad!
my Dad makes,
hands down,
the BEST pizza EVER!
It's been a while since I've had it.
We used to tell him that he needed to open a pizza joint and name it "Poppy's Pizza".
Apparently he made it like a week before his stroke.
I didn't get to have any.
I hope I get to have some again.
And cinnamon rolls.........
oooey, gooey perfection.
I used to love to watch him make them.
He'd flour up the counter and spread the dough,
butter it up, roll it, stretch it, sprinkle it.......
I can smell them now.
Brings me back to a late Sunday afternoon winter as a kid.
He used to make us breakfast for dinner.
We always loved that.
He'd make fried dough sometimes.
Other times he would wrap those little smokies in dough......
we'd have them w/ maple syrup.
And spaghetti w/ pepperoni in the sauce.......
and eggs benedict........
homemade french fries
and homemade fudge on Christmas Eve..........
slightly burnt toll house cookies (every time)
and there was lots and lots of Jiffy Pop on the stove top too.
My sister sent this to me today......her and Dad!
July 19th
Yesterday they moved my father out of ICU and guess where they put him? Right back where he started from, before all this nonsense happened, on the 6th floor, in the same room, in the same bed. Perhaps this a good sign and a 2nd chance at things. Now his physical therapy can start and he can begin his long road to recovery. It will be nice to not have him behind locked doors and that means no more picking up the phone to get permission to come in.
As I mentioned in my last post, things are moving slowly. My Dad definitely has those moments when he is "there". In those moments it's so wonderful and heartbreaking to see him. I just sit there and think does he know what's going on? Is he afraid? Is he in pain? Does he know us? And then I think if he does know what's going on---that this is his worst nightmare come true (as I mentioned earlier, his grandfather had a stroke at 62 and was paralyzed), even if just temporarily. His lungs are so full of junk and it's so painful to sit there and watch him cough, or worse yet, be suctioned. I have been praying for clear lungs so they can take that trach out.
A great friend of mine said it best in a comment--that this is the kind of test that none of us ever want to face but eventually all of us will and that faith of all kinds is what will get us through these tough times. He is so right. I continue to ask God for strength for all of us. I know that NOW is when the really tough part starts and when Dad is going to need us the most. I intend to be right there by his side. Whatever he needs...........
As I mentioned in my last post, things are moving slowly. My Dad definitely has those moments when he is "there". In those moments it's so wonderful and heartbreaking to see him. I just sit there and think does he know what's going on? Is he afraid? Is he in pain? Does he know us? And then I think if he does know what's going on---that this is his worst nightmare come true (as I mentioned earlier, his grandfather had a stroke at 62 and was paralyzed), even if just temporarily. His lungs are so full of junk and it's so painful to sit there and watch him cough, or worse yet, be suctioned. I have been praying for clear lungs so they can take that trach out.
A great friend of mine said it best in a comment--that this is the kind of test that none of us ever want to face but eventually all of us will and that faith of all kinds is what will get us through these tough times. He is so right. I continue to ask God for strength for all of us. I know that NOW is when the really tough part starts and when Dad is going to need us the most. I intend to be right there by his side. Whatever he needs...........
Friday, July 17, 2009
July 17th
I may not post as frequently now as there is not much new to report. We are told progress will be slow and we really won't know the extent of damage until he fully wakes up. We are trying so hard not to lose faith and praying for strength. It's so hard for all of us to see him the way he is right now. He does some purposeful things but it's not consistent or constant. Time.......he needs lots of time. Continue to pray and I will continue to keep you updated when something new happens.
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