Dreaming

I had a dream this morning
It was about my Dad
In the dream he was whole again
Healthy, smiling, laughing, walking
Talking about his journey
How he could hear all of us
Talking to him, praying w/ him
How thankful he was that we never gave up

I awoke from the dream with a kiss goodbye from my husband who was leaving for work. I told him about it immediately, he said "that's a really nice dream" and hugged me. Rick has always had a lot of respect for my father....for how hard he works and the person he is. I'm so thankful for Rick's support through all of this. He really has been a rock for all of us. He is visiting my Dad as I type.
Rick and my Dad on our wedding day. I can't believe it's been 11 years!

July 29

Sorry I haven't update in a few days. We have finally had a bit of summer and the kids are demanding pool, beach and boat time. I've still been up to the hospital every day to visit w/ my father. Haven't missed a day yet.

Monday they moved him to a private room which is nice for us, definitely more privacy but we're a little nervous that he isn't hooked up to any monitors anymore and doesn't have someone sitting in the room w/ him anymore, as he's still needing frequent suctioning. He still has a lot of junk in his lungs. Praying real hard for those to clear up so he can have that trach removed.

I think he's doing well! At this point he is fever and infection free. He really looks like himself again and he is finally getting some quality rest. Yesterday he was awake most of the day. The Doctors are saying that he still isn't doing anything purposeful and mention the phrase "vegetative state" more frequently than we care to hear. He may not do purposeful things for them but he really does for us. I'm keeping an open mind that things could go either way but I'm not ready to give up on him yet. It's still too soon. After all, it's only been 15 days since he came out of his "coma" and opened his eyes. Yesterday they did another EEG but we are awaiting the results. I am about to head up so I will update later.

Peace.Love.Pray!

My dad and his boy "Milo". Milo really misses his Daddy too. Milo and his sister Mitzi got up every morning, bright and early w/ my Dad and he fed them and played w/ them.

Held

I heard this yesterday and think it's such a beautiful song. The chorus moved me......I can't stop listening to it.

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

Third times a charm?

So yesterday they moved my dad out of ICU and back to the same bed on the 6th floor. Let's try this again? He's still receiving the heprin and the latest MRI shows no change either way within his brain. Outwardly, you can see the swelling is starting to go down. The area with the bone flap is starting to sink in---which is a good thing.

Still hanging w/ him, talking to him, reading the paper and the bible. It's all I can do at this point---and pray. I hope we see some changes soon.

The social worker is bugging us about nursing homes for sub acute rehab. We feel like they are trying to rush him out of there. I let them all have it yesterday and told them he would NOT be going anywhere until he was truly ready. This hospital is driving me crazy.


















l to r: Kraig, Jill, Me, Carter, Delaney, Rick, Sherry, Deven
*click to view larger

This one made me smile!

He does love his Red Sox shirts.


Click on photo to view it larger.

July 21st

Yesterday the plan was to give Dad a spinal tap and take about 10% of his spinal fluid in hopes of temporarily reducing the size of the fluid filled ventricles in his brain in hopes of seeing him come around a bit more and also to look for infection. The first attempt at the spinal tap was done in his room. They tried 3 times w/out success. He has had back problems most of his adult life and apparently has some arthritis there as well as a degenerative disc problem. SO they ended up having radiology do the spinal tap w/ guidance. They were successful. We don't know if there is any infection yet and, unfortunately, we did not see any change in his neurological status either. They say he does not do any "purposeful" things or follow commands. I have some him do some of each but not consistently. I do feel like he has his moments when he is "there" and in those moments all I see on his face are sadness and fear.

This morning they decided to start him on a heparin drip. They feel the risk of the clots are greater at this point than the risk of a bleed (which they don't anticipate happening). They are checking his blood every few hours to make sure things are okay. I believe they will do another CT tomorrow to check for any changes in his brain and lungs.

They are really stumped as to why he is not neurologically doing more and why he's not following commands. According to his CT he should be showing improvement. At the very least they feel like he should be talking a bit, following commands consistently and moving that right side a lot more. A secondary infection or something would cause delay but so far they have not found one. Perhaps he just needs more time? I don't know. Only time will tell. I hate to feel the way I do, frustrated, hopeless, angry.......but I'm only human. I think we all are starting to feel this way. It is so hard, day after day after day, to see him lying there, terrified and trapped in his body.

My faith is being tested for sure........I'm digging deep!

The Dash

A dear friend of mine sent this link to me a few weeks back. I'm sure she wouldn't mind me sharing her words w/ you---

There is a poem/movie on-line called "The Dash" (click for link). It was sent to me when my brother passed and helped to remind me how life should be lived. From all that I read in this blog and from talking to you, it sounds like your dad already lives life to the fullest, as this poem reminds us to do. For all of you who haven't read/seen The Dash, I'd take the time to do so. Turn up the volume...beautiful music accompanies each verse as well as gorgeous photos of nature. Your dad is going to pull through this, Lisa, and continue to live life as this poem intends.

I watched this and was moved by it. It really does remind us what is important in life and how you just never know what's going to happen in life. I have gone back to it a few times to watch it again. My friend was right about my Dad already living life to the fullest and I know he is proud of his dash thus far. I know every daughter will say their father is a good man but I really truly mean it when I say my father is a good man. Anybody who knows my father will tell you that. He doesn't care about the materialistic things in life. He never asks for anything from anyone. He has done so many GOOD KIND UNSELFISH things in his life. He doesn't deserve this. I hope he's not suffering.